HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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