Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
