First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Never joke about your clitoris.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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