honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
