Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
