He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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