____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
