Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
