it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
