The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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