Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
