So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
