i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
