i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
