woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
