True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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