Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize