I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
