would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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