you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
