I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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