I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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