Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
vagina is talking i cant
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
