I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I will pee on everything he values.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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