it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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