I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize