i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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