I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
