but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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