I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
