Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize