please come you make the beer taste better
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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