i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
