Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize