Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Randomize
