The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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