i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
