we made out on top of his cat.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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