My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
