my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
