the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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