Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
