My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
