My sheets look like a crime scene.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
