no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
