Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
