Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize