OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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