Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
