I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
