hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
