I wish I could teleport
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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