Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
