i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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