she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
