dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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