So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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