Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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