sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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