Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
