New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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