I think I am morally bankrupt
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
