she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize