Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
