hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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