Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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