Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
