I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
