I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize