Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
