she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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