dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
