I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
