Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
