apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
